Last year around this time, I took the chance to clear up some of the confusion about appropriate Holiday lighting. I'd like to add a few more rules to the list.

  1. Outdoor Christmas lights shall be left on at least until midnight. Shutting them off at 10:30 p.m. just because you're concerned about the energy draw means you seriously need more Christmas Spirit. Use a timer, use a clapper, use a 3 year old - I don't care - but shut them off much after you go to bed.

  2. CHECK your lights. It's entirely possible that a bulb or two or twenty went out while you were gone. I'll give you a clue - if Santa's body no longer looks corporeal, then something's wrong.

  3. Before you purchase the lighted Payne Stewart golfer look-alike, please think: just exactly where does this fit into Christmas, Haunakkah, Kwanzaa, or even the entire month of December??

  4. You thought I wouldn't notice that Frosty's not actually holding the "Happy Holidays!" sign in front of him, but that it's actually just stitched to his belly? Oh, I noticed.

  5. When you're stringing a tree with lights, try and actually follow the branches. When you just go up and down while walking around the tree, then come back and circle around the tree with more lights to make it look like you've actually done the work, you haven't. You've created something that looks more like a fragmentation grenade.

Thanks for listening, and let's all try to do better next year, folks!

"Light a candle for me, I'll light a candle for you..."

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