CONFESSIONS, PART II

Drying Off
Originally uploaded by Stop Looking At Me Swan.

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• That picture has nothing to do with this post - I just wanted to put it in there because he's cute.



• I'm secretly happy every time Lukas goes on a wailing spree at night, because our "neighbors" who share the wall behind the headboard of our bed have been playing loud rap music at the worst possible times ever since we moved in. Serves 'em right.



• The Umbilical Cord just isn't human. It looks like something from a sci-fi movie. If computers ever advance to the point where we're using artificial-life driven processing power and genetically engineered bio-processors, they'd better not make the cord on my mouse look like an Umbilical Cord, or I'm not gonna use it.



• If you're asleep for 3 hours, then awake for 1 hour, then asleep for 3 hours, then awake for 1 hour, then asleep for 3 hours, your body believes it has been awake for a total of 36 hours, and has slept for about 3 seconds.



• Newborn baby diapers aren't that bad. They look like tar in a blanket, but they don't smell. I've heard they get worse from here.



• Despite all I've been through, I still think the word "nipple" is funny.



• Yes, you can assemble a bottle and a breast pump while asleep and in the dark.



• Baby hiccups are funny, even though you feel like they're not supposed to be



• There's a chemical byproduct of birth that babies gradually get rid of through their waste that's called Billiruben. This is the same thing that causes babies to get jaundiced and have to be baked under UV lights. It's also the stupidest-sounding medical term you will hear in a nursery.



• I've never been more excited or cracked up by a sneeze, fart, burp or face than when my son does them.

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