This cute little tidbit was something I had discovered about a year ago, and forgot about until it came up again in a recent conversation. They call it "The Human Clock - A Photo for Every Minute of the Day" - people across the world submit photos with a specific set of numbers incorporated - 3:59 for example. Upload your photo to The Human Clock, and when it's time, you may see your numerological masterpiece. What I love about it is the world-wide span of it all. You regularly see pictures from outside the U.S.; each minute, you get to broaden your horizons outside your computer screen.
Yeah, it's been two months since my last post. Yeah, that's a long time. One of the people I work with was talking about a meeting we would schedule some time in the future, and he said "we'll schedule it when you come up for air." How appropriate.
Have you ever been truly behind the 8-ball? Felt the pressure of the rock AND the hard place? If you work, have you ever had to get away from your cubicle/office and go out to your car just so you could be alone for a while and let your heart race until it was too tired and the weight of your worry passed for a moment? If you have, welcome to where I've been.
Early in May, THE boss called me into his office. Actually, he first scheduled one of those one-on-one meetings - called it a debrief or somesuch. He even rescheduled it a couple of times; something that I thought meant this wouldn't be a big deal. Turns out it was just a sign of his wish to avoid confict. Finally, I get called in. He asks me to close the door - never a good sign. He then proceeds to tell me my work has been far below par, and that if I don't get it back to snuff in the next 30 days, he's going to have to "give me my notice" - fire me. That moment hits you like a sledgehammer.
I kept having flashbacks of my last job, a sales job. I WAS fired from that one. And honestly, I don't blame them now. I wasn't good at it. You take a 23 year old kid, put him in front of a 50+ Vice President of a publicly traded company and ask the kid to convince the Veep to spend thousands of dollars with your company - we'll see how well you fare. It's like asking a fish to herd cattle. I'm smart, and I'm even a bit cocky, but I'm not that.
But then you think of your family. Your obligations. The bills you pay every month. The rent, the mortgage, the loans. The wound to your self esteem feels the salt of reality poured in. You can't breathe very well - you can't even think very well. Fight-or-flight response has taken over, and it's screaming "flight" very clearly.
It's amazing how much you can survive when you have to. It's amazing how hard you'll work when you're whipped on by your own fear. I won't hold you in suspense - I still have the same job, and I honestly feel like I've turned things around. Here's some things I've learned:
- Pray. I don't care what your religion is, you can't handle the levels of worry and fear you will find in The Real World. Prayer is how you cope.
- Breathe. Your brain won't work without oxygen.
- If you aren't fired yet, you're still working. Do your job, and do it better, because you hvae a chance. Trust can be earned back.
- Don't get comfortable. Be calm, but don't be unfocused. You're paid to make the company's problems YOUR problems.
- Realize you have a life. You are not your job. Even getting fired doesn't eliminate who you are.
So that's what I've had to deal with, so can you give me a break on not posting for a while? I kept having ideas for posts, and that's why I'm back. I'm going to have more, and I hope you enjoy it.